Stranded With A Million Dollars - Episode 5 Recap

Day 16
$190,250 Prize Total 
$31,709 per person

We start this episode with Alex telling us the vibe around camp is hostile but he doesn't feel bad for stealing Makody's peanut butter because Makani stole their tent. Seems like a false equivalency because Makani suggested sharing the tent and took it by force when the campers would not agree. And the campers bought a second tent. I guess at this point they have to justify their actions because they know what they're doing is wrong. We are then lucky enough to witness a conversation in which Alonzo and Alex discuss how keeping their competition hungry is the best strategy to get them out of the game. They know starvation and isolation is the only way Makani will leave so they need to get Cody on their side.  

There's a break in the scheming and Alonzo bitches, again, about how he had to sleep without a tent for one night and that experience had him thinking about flaring out. By some twisted logic it's all Makani's fault even though he straight up told her she couldn't sleep in their tent during episode two and she had been building shelters for 12 days until tent-gate. 

The un-dynamic duo try to strong arm Cody into joining their team by threatening him with the alienation they've subjected Makani to. Oh, and they mention starving her again. Nice guys here. Are we sure that Alonzo is mentally stable? He keeps rocking back and forth and twitching and it's pretty uncomfortable to watch. It's as if he's five seconds away from exploding at any given time, even when there's not drama happening. 

Cody tells his diary camera that he's thinking about taking the offer and is willing to stay in the game by any means necessary. I know this show thrives on drama and Cody is giving them what they want but I literally yelled "NO!!!!!!" at the screen during his confession.

Cody thinking about going to the dark side. 

The group is given their marching orders to site 5 and this is where the real drama starts. The campers insist that Makani carry the flare case even though she's done it before and she refuses. Because of course she does!! There are three girls and three guys in this camp. Why are they trying to force the smallest (by far) to carry the largest item? Makani throws it to Alonzo and says he should carry it because "you're a strong army boy". SHOTS FIRED. But rather than step up and say "HELL YES I AM", Alonzo bitches into the diary camera that Makani is annoying and exhausting. Listen bud, with all the bitching we've seen from you this episode the only exhaustively annoying person I'm seeing in this equation is you. You literally just threatened a woman by telling her to come to your territory and see how she'd get treated. Uh, do they assault women in Buffalo or something? I'm not sure what the point of that statement was. 

And then comes the statement that has been causing the largest blowback by far across the internet. Mom lady (because you know I can't spell her name) says they need to "kick her like a stray dog". Listen lady, I don't know where you come from (except that it's a trailer park) but really? This is the road you want to go down? Threatening physical violence on another player and exposing yourself as a person who treats animals badly? I thought the poop-filled shorts were a bad look on you but I was wrong, this is a bad look on you. It's as if these people don't understand there are cameras on them 24/7. 

Alex eventually takes the flare case begrudgingly and looks like he's about to cry hot angry tears all over it.

Map to next checkpoint. 

The hike is 2.84 km, and has a time limit of two hours. I really appreciate this episode telling us how much each person is carrying. Of course Gina has lightest load. Props to Cody for carrying 48 lbs and not complaining once.

Alex falls while they're hiking through the river and yells about how he's in a hole. I feel like that this might have been the first time Alex has ever been a hole in his life... Ok ok, bad joke but couldn't resist.

It is then revealed to us that Gina can't swim. Seriously. She can't swim, she can't hike, she can't compete in competitions. What exactly is the point of this girl being on the show? The only thing I've seen her be good at is spending money and stealing peanut butter. By the end of the hike mom lady has actually had to take Gina's six lb load so they could sprint to the finish line. Seriously campers, it might be time to think about cutting the dead weight.

Sorry not sorry!

They make it to the money with barely enough time and the new totals are:

$275,250 Prize Total
$45,875 per person

When they arrive Cody tries to pacify the camper group by telling them if they were perhaps a little kinder to Makani she would be more willing to work as a team. We then get to see four victims looking incredulous and defending their nasty actions. Most hilarious defence is mom lady telling Cody she hates lazy people. Did these people sustain a brain injury while hiking at some point? They’re the ones who have been eating pizza, burgers, and deli sandwiches while living in a tent. The hypocrisy is astounding. 

Alonzo yells that he is a business man dammit and he needs a return on his investment which Makani doesn't provide. Alonzo, serious question, what return are you getting from Gina? Honestly, what has she done aside from taking temptations and complain? 

After this blow up the groups go their separate ways and watching Alonzo talk to himself out in the jungle was like something straight out of The Shining. He's just so creepy! I feel like he's about ready to murder someone in their sleep. 

I hate to admit it but listening to the girls cry about how much they hate this experience while the camera cuts to Makani meditating at the waterfall was the best moment of the season thus far. It’s as if even the producers and editors on this show are on #teammakody.

The temptation comes and of course it goes to Alex. They're given the opportunity to watch video messages from home and of course they take it and of course they cry like babies. Now Alonzo is so sure he can go the full 40 days. THANKS A LOT PRODUCERS! 

At the next group buy Alex tells Cody and Makani they can buy whatever they want. He does this because he's just going to steal it all back from them. This might just be the most underhanded thing I've heard thus far in the game. Of all the campers Alex has seemed like he had the strongest moral compass but now, he's just as bad as the rest. 

The campers decide they need two jars of peanut butter, two hamburgers, two pizzas, and a deck of cards. This is absolute insanity. Cody and Makani decide on rice, carrots and peanut butter. They understand that all three of these things can last a long time and are easily prepared.

Cody jabs at mom lady, “wonder why she’s living in a trailer.” He explains how they need to be managing the money but the campers shout him down and walk away. Real mature. At this point these kids are just spending the money to spite the clear front runners, right? They don't seem to comprehend how this strategy works against themselves in the long run as well. I guess if you're going to flare out you might as well be eating pizza while you do it.

This is the face of a girl who knows she's going to the end.

So, who do we think will make it until the end? My money is definitely on Cody and Makani but useless Gina may just surprise us all! I'm sure we'll be saying goodbye to Alonzo next week.

Until next time!

-Torri